Go Big or Go Home

machoSo I’m here at work, trying to pry my eyes open and make it through the day. I’ve only been here an hour. What did i do last night? Well it was Halloween Duh and in my house that means its bigger than Christmas. I left work 2 hours early just to prep, was dressed before my kid even made it home from school and then it was go time. We train for this night all year. Teaching ourselves to handle the sugary goodness by training and eating small amounts of candy leading up to the big day. Watching our steps on the FitBit to make sure we push a little harder because come this amazing night- its go time. This is not time for amateur hour at the Ruiz house. My son had about 22,000 steps on his last night. It’s enough to make a mother proud.

Keeping in tradition with our themed costumes, this year he chose WWE wrestlers for us. He wanted to go as Kane but with the outfit from 1999 Attitude Era days. Totally up for the challenge i scoured the internet and found articles of clothing worthy of such a feat and then spent an entire Sunday hand painting his costume. After he was all set and done, it was time for mine. I decided to pay homage to a childhood favorite fo mine and my brother Macho Man Randy Savage. I must say that im quite pleased with the outcome and all night – dads around my age kept shouting out their approval. Even though i was robbed in the neighborhood costume contest– it was clearly a popularity contest- i still feel like i left that night the victor.

mic-and-macho

Now my body hurts and i think i need coffee intravenously pumped through my veins as all the magic was poured into last night. It is the one thing i live for all year, and the reason why is this: Halloween is the one holiday where you can let go and pretend. You can be anything you want and no judgment is passed. You don’t have to spend money on presents or feel left out if someone didn’t get you anything. We are all brought together by the common bond of candy and fun. There are no political or racial differences behind the mask and for one night we all join in for fun and laughter.

And as if the Halloween gods nodded in approval this morning i was given a teeny tiny little high-five from the Universe- in the form of a tweet. I saw that The Mindy Project was following me on Twitter. Why is that a big deal? Well she’s only an amazing writer and comedian and bad ass woman which frankly we need to celebrate more. But that was pretty cool and for today, I fully intend on acting like im better than anyone else here at work, because after all, I’m kind of a big deal 😉

big hat derby hat the mindy project mindy kaling mindy lahiri

And for your enjoyment….a little impersonation of the Late great Macho Man. You made our childhood better ❤

If it’s on YouTube anyone can do it right?

damsel.jpg  So being a single mom, woman etc there are often times when opportunities arise and you have to do many things by yourself that normally you could buck off to a husband, boyfriend, father, brother etc. I bought my son and I my first home about 3 years ago- it was the steal of the century a 4 bedroom /3 bath foreclosure in a really awesome neighborhood.  However awesome that was though it also came with the responsibilities of owning a home and me being the main person to tackle all these tasks. My family lives in Florida so i must admit i have had to rely on Skype sessions with my dad, Google University, YouTube tutorials and the kind people at Home Depot who walk me through my projects, I also cannot forget to mention the awesome friends who have come to my aide or listened to my tear induced phone calls and rage about how “If one more thing breaks, i swear to gawd i will burn the damn house down!”

The cool thing about becoming a DIY fixer upper person is that I have been able to show my son how to fix a few things and to also show him how much of a bad ass i am. Actually, i say it. Yes, i say to my son, see kid? Your mothers a bad ass- you remember that. Poor kid has had that mantra shoved into his brain forever, though now that i admit to it, i can say I’m probably saying it to myself more than I’m trying to convince him that i could rule the fricken world. I want him to be proud of me on some level, i want to be the Mom mentioned in the speeches when he collects his Nobel Peace Prize or something like that. Ill settle for nice stories to my future grand babies. I’m sure ill step in and say “When i was younger i hunted wild boars and built my house out of bamboo while making sure your father went to school and is the man he is today” My son will  undoubtedly roll his beautiful, big brown eyes.

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I write all this not as a high five to me, but more so to encourage you out there to go ahead and try it. If the lamp is broken try to figure out how to fix it, if you need to install a ceiling fan, go ahead and do it. We are lucky enough to be in a day and age where we can google and look up everything. I fixed my vacuum yesterday in fact. Most of these things that were once deemed stuff handymen do or men really aren’t that scary at all. And i promise you that when you do it, even if its not perfect you will totally feel like a bad ass and you can brag about it to people. I now look at stuff like- pssssht, i can totally do that, watch this. I do have to add a caveat. My own mother is a bad ass and my father is the Chuck Norris of bad-asses so they did teach me a thing or to about tools.

So here is what Ive done and you can too!

  • Installed 3 ceiling fans – here is a link from the friendly folks at Home Depot that shows you how. Go ahead and upgrade your bedroom “Treat Yo Self!” http://www.homedepot.com/c/how_to_install_ceiling_fan_HT_PG_LF
  • Fought a million gazillion wasps and infiltrated their kingdom. -just kidding i sprayed i screamed and ran really fast- but if you find a wasp nests in your yard, you can use this instead of spending $200 for pest control- Also if you get stung or die, or think you  are gonna sue my broke ass – I’m not telling you to do this, I’m just telling you how i did it. Oh and this handy dandy can of Raid shoots a really strong stream. http://www.raidkillsbugs.com/en-us/products/raid-wasp-and-hornet-killer-33
  • I also fought the Scorpion King and am ruler of their domain. OK not really, there was one on my bookshelf i panicked, sat frozen in place, got on FB asked for help and then used the above Raid Hornet killer to kill said scorpion. It worked!
  • I painted my front door red. A task that may seem easy but I promise you red is not a beginner color. That almost drove me insane! red door
  • I removed old dingy carpet from the basement and installed floating floors with the help of my best good friend- who happened to come with his own tools and expertise. http://www.homerepairtutor.com/how-to-remove-old-carpet/
  • Installed, although crooked, my own screen door on the patio. That was really tricky as I’m only 5’4 and i cussed with the strength of Samuel L Jackson during that whole  project

 

  • Cleared a yard with a Bush Hog. This literally took two of us girls to push this machine, it weighed the same a 400 elephants no lying. OK maybe a little exaggeration. I particularly proud of this one because they were quoting me $300 to do this and my handy dandy people at Home Depot were telling me i could rent the machine for $54 and it only took me 30 minutes! BAM! bush hog
  • Bribed my son and his buddies to blow, mow and rake my yard. Pizza and ice cream.
  • Trained for a Zombie Apocalypse – after binge watching too much walking dead. I mean we have to be realistic here right? 😉

zombie team

  • Taught my son with the help of my Dad how to fix the really expensive treadmill that i begged for and hardly ever use because I’m a lazy ass. treadmill.jpg

So you see, mamas or women reading this or guys that haven’t been taught, its not that scary, all you need is a dollar and a dream 😉 and you too can be like Tim the tool man Taylor. I believe in you and in the words of Rob Schneider from one of my favorite movies : you-can-do-eet.jpeg