Happy Single Parent’s Day!

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Hey everyone! Did you know we actually get a day? Not me! I guess it hasn’t caught on yet that we have our own day, so I want to be one of the first to wish you a Happy Single Parents Day. I know its not as cool as mothers day or fathers day. Were not showered by flowers or candies or specially made cards telling you how awesome you are. So I’m gonna go ahead and toot that horn for us. Cheer’s to you Mama’s and Papas out there- you are killing it!

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Put the kids to bed, grab a great snack and a drink and cheers to yourself you bad ass mutha—-!

Cheers to you oh parenting champion:

  1. for having bath time down to an art form while also mastering kung fu like skills to keep the dog from jumping in
  2. for having the patience to cook yet another mac n cheese dish only to have you child say they no longer like mac n cheese
  3. for juggling work and calls from the school nurse to come get your child
  4. for wanting so badly to be normal that you stretch yourself thin to be room parent/team mom/coach even though you already have your plate full
  5. for rushing home after work to drive the kids to dance/sports practice and figuring out which drive thru to tackle for dinner
  6. for being the coupon clipping master so you can stretch out that last dollar
  7. for being the go to cuddles, boo boo kissing person who makes it all better
  8. for being so stealth when hiding in the closet eating that last cookie that you swore to your child didn’t exist.
  9. for smiling through gritted teeth when your child thinks the other parent hung the moon – even though you know they wouldn’t be bothered to show up
  10. for working tow jobs or selling items on Etsy, Ebay or the consignment stohand.PNGre so your little one wouldn’t know what its like to not have something
  11. for not knowing what it’s like to date
  12. for taking a giant leap and dating
  13. for having the best nose to sniff through shirts your kid stuffed into the drawers to see if they were clean
  14. for drying up tears when they want to see the other parent but they cant
  15. for doing it without child support- even though you need it
  16. for doing it with $50 worth of child support for 3 kids or more
  17. for holding back tears when you just want to scream but push through
  18. for sitting through Daniel the Tiger, Calliou or some other cartoon that you have seen a million times.
  19. for making last minute Halloween costumes or art projects or science fair projects
  20. for having to YouTube math lessons so you can understand your child’s homework
  21. for not losing it in public when you just want to walk around the store in peace
  22. for not having a bed to yourself in years
  23. for getting dressed today
  24. for not forgetting to pack a lunch today
  25. for defrosting the chicken before your realized it was too late
  26. for having all the take out menus on hand because you cant cook today
  27. for loving these children and wanting them to be great
  28. for not realizing you’ve been watching cartoons long after your child is asleep
  29. for staying up late to watch that show you like but is not kid appropraite
  30. for getting creative when something breaks
  31. for asking for help
  32. for doing it by yourself
  33. for being the first and last hug/kiss of the day
  34. for stepping up to the plate
  35. for being proud
  36. for understanding that even though you half assed it today, your kids are healthy, fed and cleansingle
  37. for not being perfect
  38. for being strong
  39. for teaching your children independence and compassion and unconditional love.
  40. for sacrificing your hair, shoes, nails, steak so your little ones can have what they need
  41. for budgeting
  42. for throwing the budget out the window this once to just have fun
  43. for praying, not praying, wishing and hoping
  44. for being present
  45. saving for college $50 at a time
  46. for showing the world you can do it
  47. for being the best person to tuck in wiggly wormy bodies to bed and reading in the best big bad wolf voice
  48. for making it today even when you thought you wouldn’t
  49. for being amazing and trying your best
  50. for simply being you

 

So even though you may not be recognized today, know that in solidarity i stand with you, and i celebrate us. Happy Single Parents day!

With Love and Admiration,

Denise

Single Girl Problems

A good friend of mine with an equally effed up personality and sense of humor as me came across this little gem and tagged me on it. I laughed so hard at my desk at work and wrote back to him that i didn’t know if I should feel loved that he tagged me or feel sad that he thought of me and knew I could relate. I wanted to share a few of my favorite pictures from the article but please check out the post in its entirety at Single Girl Problems

I have realized that in life you have to have a sense of humor about most things. Thinking humorously about things really makes the time go by smoother and it doesn’t weigh on you as much. I like to think of laughter as a fun, umbrella drink that you order because of the taste and sometimes it knocks you out of your seat.  I have been officially single for about 2 1/2 years, its so noticeable that my 11 year old son actually brought it up last night while we were in the car driving home. He asked me out of the blue “What ever happened to you trying to get an online date” and I replied “Well, I tried and it didn’t go so well, not really getting any hits” then in his 11 year old wisdom he replies “Wow that sounds real sad, like you should be depressed” and I said ” well damn, no I’m not depressed (this week), I have a really good life and its not all summed up by whether or not someone likes me” and he said “Well, yeah but it sounds a little sad”. I should have been a little bummed but in honesty I wasn’t and then I laughed that I raised a child that is comfortable enough to be open with me and speak with such candor. Mom win. Totally- even if my son thinks that temporarily I’m a loser.

I did question myself the other day as i was shaving and thought- meh no one is gonna see this…and then I thought No ma’am, if you let this go, whats next? What if I am randomly driving down the street and I get rear ended by some tall dark and handsome man who then falls in love with my acerbic wit immediately and wants to whisk me away on an impromptu vacation and then coyly touches my leg and to his horror and mine, my hairy legs get tangled in his watch… Not likely to happen. However just for funsies I’ll shave the legs and the whatnot’s. You just never know.

In the meantime, I’ll pass the time with my friends who share in my laughter and like to poke fun at me. They are the best anyway. Like a good shot of tequila after a bad day

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awesome Parent Shout Out! – Dedrick G.

Dedrick

Name: Dedrick G

What my kid calls me: Daddy

My Passion: Marathon running, cooking, creating food (I’m a chef) Lol

Funniest Parenting Memory: Several. My son and I have competitions over, as we call it, “who is the funny one in this outfit.” Needless to say, I’m hilarious but he’s picking it up quickly. The best is when he assimilates something I say or do and uses it against me through his own personality.

Most Difficult Time Being a Parent: Dealing with the death of his mother. She died when he was 11 months old. We still deal with the emptiness of her loss. He still wakes up on occasion in the middle of the night because he misses his mommy. Even though he doesn’t remember her, he completely does.

If I Could Give Someone Advice What Would It Be: Every day is going to be difficult in some way or another. But everyday will make itself worth it through the smiles, and love and accomplishments that come with being a parent.

Adventure #4- Indoor Triathlon

indoorTriHeroI’ve decided on Adventure #4 – An indoor triathlon hosted by Lifetime Fitness….in January! Now this is bananas! However I am up for the challenge. I haven’t signed up with a buddy to do it but if any of you want to go on this adventure with me, let me know!

In order to let help you understand where this crazy idea came from I have to introduce to you to a great friend of mine, one of my bestest friends, Tasha who I had the pleasure of befriending in 2013. Both single moms and a bit of a wild card we fit together just right. I met her when I was having a rough time near the end of my relationship with my sons father. She lived in my neighborhood and our sons all went to school together. She was always positive through my walk through hell and when I made it out to the other side she is still here and I love her for that. She is a true adventurer and a risk taker and a dreamer but most importantly Tasha is a DO-ER. Once she sets her mind on something she finishes it and then somehow manages to have a thirst for the next big thing. I love that! When I met her she was just getting into OCR racing (Obstacle course racing) she had completed a Spartan, a Battlefrog, Bad Ass Dash,  Down and Dirty and a few more. She kept talking about it in such a way that I just had to try it for myself. It was with her enthusiasm and motivation and help that I competed in my first Spartan race. She knew I was slow, overweight and sluggish but she stuck by me through the whole race and at the end I got to call myself a Spartan. For any of you who have done one you know it’s no easy feat so I will own that title as long as I live. She also got me to do my second Spartan race in April and now here I am signing up for an indoor triathlon all because my dear friend caught the tri-bug a little over a year ago. She had never competed in one and I’ve seen her go from occasional racer to full on athlete mode in the past year. Watching her get such great joy from the sport, get excited with passion and hear her stories of meeting great athletes and achieving her goals makes it so appealing. I’ve seen her go from a not so very strong swimmer to one who is swimming in open water, from a 5k runner to a 10k runner and now a bicyclist. All to be admired.

She has been trying to get me to Tri for a while but I let my insecurities and bum heels get in the way. Always saying “I need to do that” but never really going for it. Well that’s about to change y’all. Because she told me about the indoor tri and I went ahead and signed up for it. Yep committed to it. On January 3rd I will become a triathlete. I will start my new year off crossing off a mini goal and I hope that this will help me heal my body and get myself motivated to get healthier and stronger physically. Now the next 11 weeks may be peppered with obscene words, a little self-doubt and a mad post or two about how id rather be fat and happy eating pizza than skinny and eating clean. Just be forewarned and when I say these things out of Hanger, exhaustion and self-doubt – just say the following back to me:

“You are a triathlete”

Anyone interested in looking if one is offered in your city or would like to join me in Alpharetta on January 3rd you can check out the following link. Wish me luck!

http://www.indoortri.com/

**A side note of encouragement. For those who are wanting to try something new just go for it. I am far from the athletic build. I’m soft in ALL places, I have a butt that high fives me in the back, really busty, have bad feet and I’m slower than molasses. If I can do it you can too! And in my experience I’ve seen more people cheer on the slower, overweight girl trying her best over the girl who’s always winning. People love and underdog. They love to chant for the “Rudy’s” of the world. So join me on my journey we’ll be AWESOME together! ❤

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Me and Tasha getting ready to compete in my first Spartan    Goonies Never Say Die!

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Tasha showing off her well deserved and earned medal after one of her races

Ode to Hip Hop …wherever you are

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I have a type apparently. I’ve been flipping through these matches on the dating sites and I’m trying to be open minded. I have not put any parameters on the men I have been looking for. Race or religion does not matter as I figured the more open-minded the better the chance I have of meeting new and like-minded people. I’ve paused a few times on a couple and even tried to do the google search to make sure they are not on America’s Most Wanted list. Today I googled one more and much to my surprise (though no surprise to my friends who know me so well) I am cosmically drawn to a type.

I don’t go out and intentionally seek this type but my heart just seems to know who they are and I don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t know if I am supposed to like this type or go against my norm. I will say that my ex, whom I was with for almost nine years was not my typical type and it was tumultuous, stressful and a very negative unhealthy situation. It started off good, as all relationships do and by the end I felt as if we were both auditioning for a role in the “Shining” oh well you live and learn.

However going back to my “Type” my heart from very early on has been ruled by music. A good beat will stir my soul and fill me with life and energy. Add a great rhyme and you have the makings of the songs in my heart. Hip hop music personified who I was and my love affair with the music led me to love the men behind the beat. Not in a groupie way, but in a way that related to my wild, rebellious yet introspective soul. I was in love with Hip Hop and Hip Hop loved me.

In the early 90’s, Rap City , Yo MTV Raps and mix tapes ruled my life. I wrote poetry and slammed with the best of them. I had the VCR perfectly timed to record videos and I made mix tapes and CD’s for those I loved. Naturally I was drawn to the same crowd. Music was everything and I would spend hours upon hours scouring The Source when it was in newspaper form and trying to get music from New York because Niceville, Florida didn’t get the latest and greatest music. When I would “discover” a new artist I would call my boys and talk as if I had found the holy grail. We would share our music and dreams and talk about our future. When we made it big that we would call it SugarHill. (Yes after AZ’s Sugar Hill) Fast forward a little to when high school ended my friends moved up north in pursuit of their dreams. The music scene was thriving and the chances of being heard and appreciated for their art was better than staying in a small, sleepy beach town. I stayed behind and went to the local community college and studied recording engineering. I was one of the only females in the class and at the studio that I interned at. But the music scene was not as lucrative in the small town so i would take trips back and forth up north to feed my fix for music and love and it awakend my soul in a way that i would never be able to satisfied if I stayed where I was -the sleepy beach town.

I moved to Atlanta some years later in search of something different, something big and got sidetracked. The dream eventually died because I didn’t nurture it and I decided to “grow up” when in reality I stifled my growth. I betrayed what my heart said I needed to do to keep my dreams alive and I settled into the norm and what society expected me to be- a good girl, who didn’t question authority, played by the rules and didn’t ruffle too many feathers.

During those times and in between it all I loved hard and looking back to even recently (excluding my ex- it’s not that I didn’t love him it was a different type of love) I realized that I was attracted to the dreamer, that I would look for men who personified my passion for Hip Hop and music. The guy who strummed his guitar was strumming my soul. But they get me, those types. I can speak for hours with them and even though I am doing a disservice by lumping them into a type make no mistake that they are amazing and unique in their own way. Beautiful souls who were tortured and tattered in some bit and found music as an outlet. Who became one with the instruments be it a mic, a guitar or a turntable. With every beat they bobbed their heads in time with my heart and I’ve never felt more alive more in tune with the music.

For over nine years the music stopped in my head and I fell into a robotic trance. At least that’s what it felt like. I stopped doing what I loved- writing, art, drawing listening to unsigned artists and I fell into the trap of believing if I changed everything about myself to become the perfect mother, the perfect partner that I would somehow find happiness. Mother’s weren’t supposed to dream, we have our duties, our priorities. I need to be a perfect partner. I was young and naive and foolishly bought into what i was being told by outsiders who didn’t know me well at all. What I realized later, is that in denying who I was and not being true to myself I couldn’t show my son what passion truly was. I owed it to myself and I owed it to him to allow him to know his mother as a true person as her true self and her true form. Which is what this year is about. My heart was searching for a creative outlet and I thought that love could be my muse.

Now I’m not saying that loving these men brought me any more joy and less pain, In fact I feel it hurt on a deeper level, a soulful level. When I think about them I think of them as favorite songs that bring you back to a time when things were simpler. I have a soundtrack to my heart and each one filled a place. When you love somebody to your heartsong it is profound and deep and spiritual and nothing can compare. Its like finding the “perfect verse over a tight beat “-Brown Sugar

When it’s over its tears and anguish and pain. It’s like losing a piece of your soul. Every time its as if the music gets a little quieter and I don’t know if this is a good thing.

On one hand my “type” brings me so much joy, so much life, so much of my creativity is awakened. It’s as if the creative soul is yin to my yang, but the thing is about loving these souls, is that they are free spirits and they go where the wind takes them. They are in search of something more. They hold themselves to a standard that can never be reached, an insatiable appetite that can never be satisfied. They are the roamers, the nomads, the passionate lovers gone in the morning and women like me who love them are the forgotten muses, inspirations for the songs and the ones who believe we can tame them. But why would you ever want to tame something that is free and beautiful in the wild?

I myself am a wild spirit, I am Independent, I dance with the wind and I love hard and strong and with all my might. So I get it. We are the same, we are one. I don’t know if that is a good thing. I’m 36 and I have a child. I cannot afford to love with the wild abandon that I did in the days of my youth. Nights spent chatting away about dreams and music are replaced with homework and bedtime. Which I cherish and love. Days are spent clicking away on a computer because of my own responsibilities and my fear to follow my dreams. Which is why i love the “type” it allows me to feel alive even if for one night.

My soul is drawn to these people. Seriously. You could dress 15 men in the same suit and line them up, same haircut, the same shoes and my heart will find the one. The lover of music, the one who stirs my soul. And to be honest I don’t know if that’s a good thing or if it’s what I should have been doing all along. Wading through the emotions of it all and feels so raw, so ill leave you with this:

Hip Hop, wherever you are. If I ever get to meet you – you’ll know that my heart beats to the rhythm of your soul and I’ve never felt more alive …..

or maybe Ive already met Hip Hop…..

And maybe Hip Hop is me and I just need to dance to the rhythm of my own beat.

A #treatyoself post ♡

This has nothing really to do with anything except that I’m am so so freaking excited.  Ever since i was little i have LOVED A Christmas Story.  Every year i watch it for 24 hours on Christmas eve well into Christmas day.  My family (parents,  siblings,  my son) all have to endure this obsession.  So when i bought my home i said that i would gift myself a life size leg lamp.  However they are expensive so there was some planning and saving to be done. Emergencies happen so not a top priority ya know. 
However last week i had decided that it was time to #treatyoself  and i did it!  I splurged on my Christmas Story leg lamp and she is grand!  I can just see the “soft glow of electric sex” oozing from the fishnets and “knobby knee “.
  This will go perfectly in my living room window,  facing the street and i will tell anyone who asks that its a “major award”! I have never been more excited about a gift to myself! 

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And of course i had to get myself this apron! 

 

go out & be awesome ♡ Denise