Let me start this off by saying that parenting is hard. Its the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, its the most challenging, rewarding, humbling, frightful experience that I personally have gone through. So i will say kudos to all you parents out there. I feel every sleep deprived, incoherent ranting and waving the white flag moments with you. But this post is for a group near and dear to my heart. The single parent. I obviously relate but i wanted this to be my love letter to you because we all need to know we are not alone so here it goes:
Dear Single Parent,
I see you. I hear your cries, your sighs and exhaustion. I feel your laughter and joy when you get your hugs from your littles. I feel that ache in your bones when you are sick but have to help with a science project or make it to work because bills have to be paid. I hear the tug of heart strings when you have to figure out if you can sneak away for a play or awards ceremony or tell your boss for the 5th time this month that your kid is in the nurses office. I know too well the overwhelming sinking feeling when at 3 a.m the thermometer keeps creeping up and your kid looks at you with sunken eyes as some form of the bubonic plague has no doubt crept in. I feel the simplicity of every drop of water rolling down your back in the shower as you take a few minutes to yourself only to be interrupted by excited cries or screams for help as soap temporarily blinds you and your child MUST HAVE THIS RIGHT NOW moments. I sit in zombie like solidarity after watching the same cartoon over and over again- and again when you realize your child is asleep and your still watching the kids channel. I feel your angst when you would like to go to a fancy restaurant and eat food that does not have to be dipped or coated or specifically designed for the wee one’s palate. I’m with you at that moment when your child asks you what you want for Christmas or your birthday and you have no answer because you haven’t thought of yourself in ages. I’m with you as you stare at that gym membership that you swore you would use but instead you are neck deep in math homework and too exhausted to think. I feel the soul crush you have that after you put your all into these little souls and they look at you and say that the other parent would do it differently and you know that they are absent parents in real life but to your children they are gods. I feel the tug of loneliness right with you when you see families doing activities together and you long for the same. For your sweet one to have a complete family. I’m with you as your hair grays and you worry that you are providing enough and praying that your child comes out of this unscathed. I’m with you when you stare at that paycheck and wonder how you’re going to make it two more weeks and pray that no one gets sick or that nothing breaks down. You are not alone.
I’m also with you celebrating when that tooth falls out and they run to you with their new found bounty that you tucked carefully under the pillow a few minutes before they woke up because you forgot. I’m shouting right alongside you when they scored that touchdown or did that perfect back flip or spelled the word perfectly! I’m well aware that your voice is the loudest in the room as you see more than the award, as you celebrate the accomplishments of many nights spent preparing or driving to practices for this one small moment of victory. It is your moment too. I understand that your tired at 3 am and they come piling into your bed to sleep because they need to be close to you and you may be a little cranky but still welcome the evening of little sleep, feet in your face and blankets hogged. I’m secretly happy that you have a hoarding situation going on because you get to keep all the artwork ever created by your mini Picasso.
While some days are tough we really at times are the lucky ones. We get the first morning hugs and kisses, the toothless grins, the first to comfort a scraped knee or a broken heart from a first crush. We get the half eaten candy necklaces intended as a gift for our special day. We get to see the temper tantrums and fits that mold our spirited children into the strong, independent men and women they will become. We get to have the inside jokes, the memories triggered by songs and smells that we personally witnessed. We get to celebrate the little moments.The perfectly stacked Lego’s, the first wobbly bike ride, the sticky high fives. We have the joy of the bath-time battle and the put on your coat battle and the leave the dog alone battle.
And even though it seems tough, we must remember we are warriors. We are strong, resilient and chosen by these little souls to get them through this adventure called life and you are doing a marvelous job. I know we often get caught up in the weight of it all and often we don’t hear praises. So hopefully this will help you today and know that in this amazing journey you are not alone.
So much love,
Name: Dedrick G
What my kid calls me: Daddy
My Passion: Marathon running, cooking, creating food (I’m a chef) Lol
Funniest Parenting Memory: Several. My son and I have competitions over, as we call it, “who is the funny one in this outfit.” Needless to say, I’m hilarious but he’s picking it up quickly. The best is when he assimilates something I say or do and uses it against me through his own personality.
Most Difficult Time Being a Parent: Dealing with the death of his mother. She died when he was 11 months old. We still deal with the emptiness of her loss. He still wakes up on occasion in the middle of the night because he misses his mommy. Even though he doesn’t remember her, he completely does.
If I Could Give Someone Advice What Would It Be: Every day is going to be difficult in some way or another. But everyday will make itself worth it through the smiles, and love and accomplishments that come with being a parent.
Halloween has always been a big deal for me growing up. I’ve always loved the costumes and the getting candy and the scariness of it all. It’s the one holiday of the year where you can be whoever you want to be, the imagination is free to be and everyone is happy. There is no pressure to cook a big meal, no presents to buy, no expectations to be set and usually no tears or disappointment at the end of the night. So i just wanted to share my love of the holiday with you all and wish you a very Happy Spooktacular Halloween! ♡♡♡
My mother an amazing seamstress would make these elaborate costumes. Here my siblings and i are as Murky, a witch and I’m Rainbow Brite
My brother and i as Raggedy Ann & Andy
My son and i. 10 years ago. This is the theme that set all the themes to come for us
-Go out & be awesome ♡ Denise
Name: Carrie P
What your kids call you: Mom or Mommy
Your Passion: Music and the meaning of life
Funniest Parent Memory: There are so many but really just listening to the things that come out of my kids mouths is hilarious. All I can think is where did they get this from.
Most difficult time being a parent: Seems like every day of my life. Being a single mom of four has been a struggle financially, having mostly boys and the fighting, a messy house (I hate this especially if dishes are piled up in the sink), emotionally, having only one day out of the week where I’m not taking kids to dance or football. It’s all difficult but well worth it. It just makes me a stronger person even when I feel weak.
If you could give someone advice what would it be?: Before making any major decision in life really weigh all options. Never choose something for the idea or what you think it could be, take it as it is. Also, use condoms
Name: Lisa S.
My kids call me: Mom My husband’s kids call me: Stepity Mom
My passion: my passion changes at different times of my life. Currently my passion is creating a “Normal” life for my family.
Funniest Parenting Memory: One memory that sticks out is after each of my kids 1st camping trips. We taught them to pee outside, so when they came home they didn’t want to use the bathroom. My daughter would just go on the floor in her room and my son would go out to the backyard. It was fun getting them back to normal.
Most difficult time being a parent: When I got remarried and moved 2 families in together. Everyone has different wants, needs and levels of cleanliness. Slowly, but surely we are all creating our own “home” and everyone is finding their place.
Advice: Let your kids sleep with you for as long as they want, because they are only so little for so long and you don’t get that time back. I swear I blinked when my daughter was 5 and now she is 15.
I’m just gonna put it out there. The majority of times I feel lonely. Its hard. It hits the hardest when you are alone at night in a big old house that is suddenly quiet and the noise that you use to keep you from realizing you are lonely suddenly stops. It’s when your head hits the pillow and a million thoughts start rushing in. Don’t get me wrong being a mother is fulfilling in ways I would have never imagined. I’m grateful to have one of the coolest human beings attached to my soul for this life. He’s awesome. And I have a great family (who lives far away) we talk daily and they are equally supportive. I also have amazing friends and co-workers to fill up the majority of my time. But there’s something missing. The camaraderie of a partner to go through all of life’s shenanigans and laugh with at the end of the day because that’s what life is- One big hilarious adventure. Someone to unwind with at the end of the night over a binge watch session and popcorn and a tall glass of something soothing. Someone who will look at me and call me on my b.s or remind me with a laugh that I am being utterly ridiculous. It’s that connection that I miss. I miss an adult best friend who wants to be with me and journey through life. Now i know all too well from personal experience that having a partner does not equal instant happiness. I spent the better part of almost a decade with someone who felt they were being obligated to their familial responsibilities and hated me for it. I paid for that everyday through hateful words, withholding of affection, emotional punishment etc. I know the other side of hell just fine. But i still crave a connection.
It is something that has eluded me the majority of my adulthood. I have lived in the proverbial friend zone hell for as long as there has been a place to be banished to. So many times I have fallen head over heels in love with someone only to be told over and over again that “Id be perfect if they were in the place to date” or ” You would make a perfect wife for someone one day….but” or “you are my Best friend” “I’m not ready but we can still hang out” At least I know if all else fails I make a helluva bestie.
I don’t want this blog to turn into my quest for a relationship. There is so much more to me then the thirst for a companion. But I had to put it out here because one of the Adventures is to go on a date. I’ve been on the sites and have been unceremoniously introduced to “Ghosting” which is where they text you like crazy, show interest and without warning suddenly drop off the face of the earth. And you sit there replaying conversations or re-reading text messages to find some clue where you somehow came off “weird or needy or f#$ked it all up” but you don’t see anything stand out, your girlfriends even help you comb through to make sure you didn’t muck it up and nothing. You’ve just been “Ghosted” it’s a thing. It’s a sucky thing. I welcome constructive criticism. Let me know if I’m too needy, too loud, not your type physically, too this too that. Not because I feel the need to people please but because if it a valid and educated reason I always welcome the opportunity to grow and better myself.
I was talking to a few women in a Single Moms Group on FB last night and the feeling is mutual all around, We are all parents of amazing kids and yet at night we clutch the empty space in our heart and wonder where it all went wrong. I asked for help last night ideas on how to cope with the loneliness and we all came up with different things but things we are already doing. We use work, kids, TV, Food, working out to keep the silence from seeping in. We send silent blessings to couples and families walking out together in the street because we hope they enjoy that happiness forever and never have to feel what we feel. That pang of rushing home in excitement to share a story, a hug or a laugh. For some of us it has been a long time since we have even felt human touch aside from our babies. I would sell my soul to have someone hold my hand right now. This isn’t even about sex. Sex is easy. You can find anyone to sleep with. But to get someone to actually want to spend that other time with you that’s the hard part. I just feel like I’m the last kid getting picked to play kickball and it sucks and I had to get it off my chest so I wouldn’t go mad. Plus its part of the challenge of this blog and adventure. Getting out of my comfort zone. And writing about how lonely I feel at times is a vulnerable as it gets. – Go out and give free hugs people ❤
Got my first piece of #tri “equipment” today my first ever swim cap. Carefully picked out as to give me street cred. Hence the graffiti. Plus it’s cool. Now waiting on my bathing suit. First indoor triathlon in 11 weeks Adventure 4 of 36!
go out & be awesome ♡ Denise
Kids call me: mom, ms Zee and Zee
My passion: My career is helping others achieve the goal of home ownership. After recently becoming a manager with my company I have found a new passion with assisting my fellow agents achieve their goals of being a successful Real Estate agent. I look back on where I started as a single mom with no college degree working retail living paycheck to paycheck and living with my parents. I had my struggles but never gave up. I was given the opportunity of becoming a Realtor 14 years ago and ran with it. Now I own a home, am married and have a beautiful family. I am mentoring other agents to achieve their goals. My passion is to give them what was given to me to be a very successful Real Estate agent.
My funniest parenting moment: My daughter when she was little I always expressed to her that she was not allowed to say any curse words as most parents do. One day while watching the Red Sox game we played a little trick on her. She was about eight years old at the time. The pitcher that was pitching was Asian and his last name was Fukudome so we asked her what his name was and she said Fuck You Do Me as it looks like it would sound. Mike says Montavia how dare you talk like that jokingly and she started crying. We laughed and laughed and had to tell her no it’s OK and that was his name. She thought she was in so much trouble.
Hardest parenting moment: Dealing with the fact that my daughter doesn’t have a relationship with her real father, not knowing what to say to her about why he doesn’t know her, why he doesn’t contact her. The hardest thing is not knowing how she truly feels. See I have a wonderful relationship with my father so I can’t say to her honey I understand because I don’t. I can only console and be there for her when she needs to talk, cry, scream or just sit and cuddle.
If you could give someone advice what would it be: Listen to your children, pay attention to them. Talk to them and really listen to what they are saying. Let them know they can come to you with anything they need. Be present in their lives. You only get one chance to be a parent make it your best effort.