Life goals y’all. I’ve been wanting to buy this leg lamp as long as i can remember. I finally did and today my neighborhood was blessed with the “soft glow of electric sex” from my front window. This is how you do Christmas ♡
-Go out & be awesome ♡ Denise
I’m going to write about the difficulties of being 36 and a single mom. I know with so much going on in the world it seems as if this is a “first world” problem and maybe it is. lol
I find that being 36 and a single mom is a unique niche that is pretty hard to navigate. Thus the range of emotions i deal on a daily basis is pretty overwhelming. At 36 you are in the middle of people who have been married for eons or those on the verge of a divorce. You have friends who have children that are graduating high school and those who are just starting the baby process. A few of them have grandchildren already. Then there are the ones who are single with no children or newly divorced and ready to go out and re-invent themselves. I’m stuck in the middle.I personally have never been married and i navigate this gray area with my amazing 11 year old. I don’t necessarily belong in the married category, though i have all married friends because our children are the same age and the schedules and lifestyles click. I don’t belong in the completely single category because i have a child at home and I personally just don’t find clubbing and bar hopping appealing plus I’m not available at a moments notice when most people what to go out.
I call this are the Barren wasteland of Singeldom. In my situation, i find myself with many, many lonely moments. When my son goes away to visit his father, I’m often at home contemplating what to do. My marrieds (friends) have families and husbands so they just cant drop things to hang out. I don’t have truly single friends in my area so going out for a girls night is usually a no go. I often try to go out to see things or do something but usually end up back at my home catching up on R rated movies that i cant watch when my kid is around. Normally its cool to have a few moments to myself because its far and few in-between as a single mom. But lately as the holidays come up my son is gone more with his dad and i find more and more moments alone. And ill tell you what, the loneliness has kicked in hard. It has scissor kicked me in the face and taken my joy.
Holidays are particularly hard. You have families that are getting together and the buzz of dinners, parties and gifts to be bought. Couples doing couple things. Babies being made and born because people are just in festive and happy moods. I wish i was one of those people. I keep up the charades of happiness for my son and we plan activities and i secretly stash gifts in hidden places for him. I tell him that I’m happy that i don’t have to cook for Thanksgiving and that I’m going to just have a relaxing day to myself, so he doesn’t feel guilty that he’s spending his holiday with his father and can enjoy himself. I have friends that have invited me to their homes, lovingly with open arms but the truth is this year, the depression has sunken in and it hurts more to be around families during this time because i don’t have what they have. I am ashamed to say that my mood this season is Green with envy. (Please don’t get me wrong, i have a healthy wonderful son and he is more than enough joy in my life. I am grateful for that opportunity.)
I’m running out of steam right now, maybe when the warm sun comes back and the summer days kick in ill feel better. In the meantime i just have to find things to keep me occupied to fill the void- to fill that space that makes me feel like I’m being picked last to play kickball.
So if you have a person in your life who is in the “grey” area like me, don’t forget about them. Ive “chatted” with a few single parents on Facebook and the sentiment is the same. Here a a few things that can help:
- Call and chat. Even if its for a few minutes. You have no idea how sometimes the phone doesn’t ring for days or people only call when they need a favor.
- Invite them out. Even if you know that getting a sitter is difficult or that it will take some planning. Even though we cant just pick up and go it still feels nice to at least be invited and not feel forgotten.
- Just hang out. Sometimes its great to just have a friend sit on the couch and chat with. It takes the pressure of having to get dressed and finding a sitter out and still makes the person feel loved.
- If the kids are older, offer to take them to the store to buy a gift or a card for their mom or dad for the holidays or birthday or mothers/fathers day. You have no idea how a lot of times we don’t get anything for ourselves during these “special” times and we have to grin through it and it makes people feel worse
- Just listen. Sometimes we need to gripe and cry and vent or tell someone (an adult) how we are excited about something.
- Follow up. If we vent and cry and gripe or tell you something exciting follow up and see how we are doing.
- Offer to babysit. Don’t always have them watch your children without reciprocating.
Those are just a few things. Anyone else have any ideas on how to help out a single parent? I’d love to hear how single parents cope with this feeling and how you combat the blues. Thanks for listening and I hope each and everyone of you have a wonderful week surrounded by so much joy, love, peace, laughter and happiness.
Name: Amanda O.
What your kids call you: He’s 16 months and although he has mastered a few words, none are names for me yet sadly.
Your Passion: Travel
Funniest parenting Memory: This isn’t a parenting memory as much as a becoming a parent memory – when I went into labor it was the dead heat of summer. My husband took me to the hospital in a t shirt and shorts. My delivery room was really cool because I was burning up.. my husband on the other hand was freezing. I pointed out to him I still had my velvet cheetah pants I came into the hospital wearing in a bag. And thus… my husband walking all over the labor and delivery floor wearing a Vikings T shirt and cheetah pants.
Most difficult time being a parent: My child did not sleep for more than 4 hours at a time until he was 8 months old, my husband does not get home from work until at least 3 am and I have to get up at 5:30 am for work. There was a lot of blurred eyed Starbucks mornings.
If you could give someone advice what would it be: Whenever I get frustrated because my son is having a bad day, I have to remind myself that children have bad days too. It’s not just an adult thing. I repeat to myself, “Mommy makes things better” in remembering how all the times a simple hug made me feel better from my mother. So just take a step back sometimes and think “is this tantrum because he’s tired or is something else bothering him?
1000 VIEWS!! I cant believe it! I really want to just thank each of you for taking time out of your day to visit my blog. Ive always wanted to write and it took a leap of courage to do this and to have it received so well warms my heart. I’m hoping that i wont let you down and as i grow in spirit and strength that the website also reflects that.
I’m amazed that something that started off so small has reached so many people. Take a look at this map! These are all the countries that have heard my heart and read my words. In places i only dreamed of visiting, in a way a part of me has been there through you. So again Thank you!
And i did want to leave you with this.
Go out and be AWESOME
Kids call me: Mom
Passion: Family – Everything I do in life is for the love of my family – Kids, Husband, Parents, Siblings, Cousins, Aunts/Uncles. What is life without the love of those around you!
Funniest time: I love the honesty of children! When my son was 3 he walked into his pre-school classroom and announced that “I love water and Mommy loves Wine” – He was 100% accurate!
Hardest time: The times of worry – the sleepless nights when you just can’t figure out what is wrong with your sweet, crying baby! Worrying about their first day of school and making friends. Worrying about am I doing all the right things? “Mommy” is really the toughest, most rewarding job any of us will ever have!!
Advice – Live in the moment and love today for all that it is! These years are flying by and I have always been so excited about what is next – sitting up, walking, talking, first recital, first game and the next thing you know we have rushed through all of these amazing stages!! Enjoy every moment because it goes so fast. Our days are so crazy as we run from school and work to practice and games and parties and errands – but soak it all in – take pictures, take videos and make memories!!
Name: Heather P
Kids Call Me: Mom
Funniest Parenting Moment: Owen was sitting in a bubble bath at age 2 and got really still so i asked him if he was peeing in the tub and he said no and started playing again. Then he got really still again and i said are you pooping in the bathtub and he said no. I said well what are you doing. He stood up and was holding his family jewels and said mom, i have eggs in my pee pee! So i called my mom for some help on how to handle and she says “Tell him the Easter Bunny brought them!” LOL
Most difficult time being a parent: I made the decision to leave my kids’ father when they were very young, knowing it was going to put a burden on them for the rest of their lives. I deal with the struggle daily when they are upset about the split custody. We have 50/50 custody so i only see them every other week and it is very hard coming to grips with missing half of my children’s lives.
Advice: All that space those babies took up inside of you while you were pregnant never goes away. It just gets filled with guilt…I know all of you mom’s feel this way constantly. We have to give ourselves a break and know that we are doing the best we can. We’ll never be perfect moms, but if love counts…I know 100% I’m winning.
Let me start this off by saying that parenting is hard. Its the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, its the most challenging, rewarding, humbling, frightful experience that I personally have gone through. So i will say kudos to all you parents out there. I feel every sleep deprived, incoherent ranting and waving the white flag moments with you. But this post is for a group near and dear to my heart. The single parent. I obviously relate but i wanted this to be my love letter to you because we all need to know we are not alone so here it goes:
Dear Single Parent,
I see you. I hear your cries, your sighs and exhaustion. I feel your laughter and joy when you get your hugs from your littles. I feel that ache in your bones when you are sick but have to help with a science project or make it to work because bills have to be paid. I hear the tug of heart strings when you have to figure out if you can sneak away for a play or awards ceremony or tell your boss for the 5th time this month that your kid is in the nurses office. I know too well the overwhelming sinking feeling when at 3 a.m the thermometer keeps creeping up and your kid looks at you with sunken eyes as some form of the bubonic plague has no doubt crept in. I feel the simplicity of every drop of water rolling down your back in the shower as you take a few minutes to yourself only to be interrupted by excited cries or screams for help as soap temporarily blinds you and your child MUST HAVE THIS RIGHT NOW moments. I sit in zombie like solidarity after watching the same cartoon over and over again- and again when you realize your child is asleep and your still watching the kids channel. I feel your angst when you would like to go to a fancy restaurant and eat food that does not have to be dipped or coated or specifically designed for the wee one’s palate. I’m with you at that moment when your child asks you what you want for Christmas or your birthday and you have no answer because you haven’t thought of yourself in ages. I’m with you as you stare at that gym membership that you swore you would use but instead you are neck deep in math homework and too exhausted to think. I feel the soul crush you have that after you put your all into these little souls and they look at you and say that the other parent would do it differently and you know that they are absent parents in real life but to your children they are gods. I feel the tug of loneliness right with you when you see families doing activities together and you long for the same. For your sweet one to have a complete family. I’m with you as your hair grays and you worry that you are providing enough and praying that your child comes out of this unscathed. I’m with you when you stare at that paycheck and wonder how you’re going to make it two more weeks and pray that no one gets sick or that nothing breaks down. You are not alone.
I’m also with you celebrating when that tooth falls out and they run to you with their new found bounty that you tucked carefully under the pillow a few minutes before they woke up because you forgot. I’m shouting right alongside you when they scored that touchdown or did that perfect back flip or spelled the word perfectly! I’m well aware that your voice is the loudest in the room as you see more than the award, as you celebrate the accomplishments of many nights spent preparing or driving to practices for this one small moment of victory. It is your moment too. I understand that your tired at 3 am and they come piling into your bed to sleep because they need to be close to you and you may be a little cranky but still welcome the evening of little sleep, feet in your face and blankets hogged. I’m secretly happy that you have a hoarding situation going on because you get to keep all the artwork ever created by your mini Picasso.
While some days are tough we really at times are the lucky ones. We get the first morning hugs and kisses, the toothless grins, the first to comfort a scraped knee or a broken heart from a first crush. We get the half eaten candy necklaces intended as a gift for our special day. We get to see the temper tantrums and fits that mold our spirited children into the strong, independent men and women they will become. We get to have the inside jokes, the memories triggered by songs and smells that we personally witnessed. We get to celebrate the little moments.The perfectly stacked Lego’s, the first wobbly bike ride, the sticky high fives. We have the joy of the bath-time battle and the put on your coat battle and the leave the dog alone battle.
And even though it seems tough, we must remember we are warriors. We are strong, resilient and chosen by these little souls to get them through this adventure called life and you are doing a marvelous job. I know we often get caught up in the weight of it all and often we don’t hear praises. So hopefully this will help you today and know that in this amazing journey you are not alone.
So much love,
Name: Dedrick G
What my kid calls me: Daddy
My Passion: Marathon running, cooking, creating food (I’m a chef) Lol
Funniest Parenting Memory: Several. My son and I have competitions over, as we call it, “who is the funny one in this outfit.” Needless to say, I’m hilarious but he’s picking it up quickly. The best is when he assimilates something I say or do and uses it against me through his own personality.
Most Difficult Time Being a Parent: Dealing with the death of his mother. She died when he was 11 months old. We still deal with the emptiness of her loss. He still wakes up on occasion in the middle of the night because he misses his mommy. Even though he doesn’t remember her, he completely does.
If I Could Give Someone Advice What Would It Be: Every day is going to be difficult in some way or another. But everyday will make itself worth it through the smiles, and love and accomplishments that come with being a parent.