Monthly Archives: October 2015

Halloween Memories ♡

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Halloween has always been a big deal for me growing up.  I’ve always loved the costumes and the getting candy and the scariness of it all.  It’s the one holiday of the year where you can be whoever you want to be,  the imagination is free to be and everyone is happy.  There is no pressure to cook a big meal,  no presents to buy,  no expectations to be set and usually no tears or disappointment at the end of the night.  So i just wanted to share my love of the holiday with you all and wish you a very Happy Spooktacular Halloween!  ♡♡♡

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My mother an amazing seamstress would make these elaborate costumes.  Here my siblings and i are as Murky, a witch and I’m Rainbow Brite

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My brother and i as Raggedy Ann & Andy

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My son and i. 10 years ago.  This is the theme that set all the themes to come for us

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-Go out & be awesome ♡ Denise

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Awesome Parent Shout Out!- Carrie P.

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carrieName: Carrie P
What your kids call you: Mom or Mommy
Your Passion: Music and the meaning of life
Funniest Parent Memory: There are so many but really just listening to the things that come out of my kids mouths is hilarious. All I can think is where did they get this from.
Most difficult time being a parent: Seems like every day of my life. Being a single mom of four has been a struggle financially, having mostly boys and the fighting, a messy house (I hate this especially if dishes are piled up in the sink), emotionally, having only one day out of the week where I’m not taking kids to dance or football. It’s all difficult but well worth it. It just makes me a stronger person even when I feel weak.
If you could give someone advice what would it be?: Before making any major decision in life really weigh all options. Never choose something for the idea or what you think it could be, take it as it is. Also, use condoms

The dating app gave up on me lol

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The dating app is telling me that there are no matches for me ages 30-43 within 25 miles.  so then i expand the age and mileage to 50 miles and nada. And this dating app doesn’t even let you enter race or shit like that.  It fucking gave up on me lmao
  For those not familiar, I’m using an app called Coffee meets bagel.  This app pulls from your fb friends and tries to find people in common.  The only parameters you can enter are age and distance.  The rest is up to chance.  You get 1 match a day and you can pass or like.  If it’s a mutual like a chat window opens up and you have one week to make a connection after that it’s lost forever (not really) but kinda.  I matched with one guy and things seemed cool then he disappeared off the face of the earth.  Then today i get this.  The effing app has failed me y’all and i wasn’t even being picky! I’m laughing at this because this is utterly redonkulous. It’s a good thing I’m having fun doing everything else otherwise this would be devastating. Oh and don’t even ask me about Tinder. Womp Womp Womp

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-Go out & be awesome ♡ Denise

Awesome Parent Shout Out! – Lisa S

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Name: Lisa S.

My kids call me: Mom My husband’s kids call me: Stepity Mom

My passion: my passion changes at different times of my life. Currently my passion is creating a “Normal” life for my family.

Funniest Parenting Memory: One memory that sticks out is after each of my kids 1st camping trips. We taught them to pee outside, so when they came home they didn’t want to use the bathroom. My daughter would just go on the floor in her room and my son would go out to the backyard. It was fun getting them back to normal.

Most difficult time being a parent: When I got remarried and moved 2 families in together. Everyone has different wants, needs and levels of cleanliness. Slowly, but surely we are all creating our own “home” and everyone is finding their place.

Advice: Let your kids sleep with you for as long as they want, because they are only so little for so long and you don’t get that time back. I swear I blinked when my daughter was 5 and now she is 15.

The lonliness is what makes this hard.

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I’m just gonna put it out there. The majority of times I feel lonely. Its hard. It hits the hardest when you are alone at night in a big old house that is suddenly quiet and the noise that you use to keep you from realizing you are lonely suddenly stops. It’s when your head hits the pillow and a million thoughts start rushing in. Don’t get me wrong being a mother is fulfilling in ways I would have never imagined. I’m grateful to have one of the coolest human beings attached to my soul for this life. He’s awesome. And I have a great family (who lives far away) we talk daily and they are equally supportive. I also have amazing friends and co-workers to fill up the majority of my time. But there’s something missing. The camaraderie of a partner to go through all of life’s shenanigans and laugh with at the end of the day because that’s what life is- One big hilarious adventure. Someone to unwind with at the end of the night over a binge watch session and popcorn and a tall glass of something soothing. Someone who will look at me and call me on my b.s or remind me with a laugh that I am being utterly ridiculous. It’s that connection that I miss. I miss an adult best friend who wants to be with me and journey through life.   Now i know all too well from personal experience that having a partner does not equal instant happiness. I spent the better part of almost a decade with someone who felt they were being obligated to their familial responsibilities and hated me for it. I paid for that everyday through hateful words, withholding of affection, emotional punishment etc. I know the other side of hell just fine. But i still crave a connection.

It is something that has eluded me the majority of my adulthood. I have lived in the proverbial friend zone hell for as long as there has been a place to be banished to. So many times I have fallen head over heels in love with someone only to be told over and over again that “Id be perfect if they were in the place to date” or ” You would make a perfect wife for someone one day….but” or “you are my Best friend” “I’m not ready but we can still hang out” At least I know if all else fails I make a helluva bestie.

I don’t want this blog to turn into my quest for a relationship. There is so much more to me then the thirst for a companion. But I had to put it out here because one of the Adventures is to go on a date. I’ve been on the sites and have been unceremoniously introduced to “Ghosting” which is where they text you like crazy, show interest and without warning suddenly drop off the face of the earth. And you sit there replaying conversations or re-reading text messages to find some clue where you somehow came off “weird or needy or f#$ked it all up” but you don’t see anything stand out, your girlfriends even help you comb through to make sure you didn’t muck it up and nothing. You’ve just been “Ghosted” it’s a thing. It’s a sucky thing. I welcome constructive criticism. Let me know if I’m too needy, too loud, not your type physically, too this too that. Not because I feel the need to people please but because if it a valid and educated reason I always welcome the opportunity to grow and better myself.

I was talking to a few women in a Single Moms Group on FB last night and the feeling is mutual all around, We are all parents of amazing kids and yet at night we clutch the empty space in our heart and wonder where it all went wrong. I asked for help last night ideas on how to cope with the loneliness and we all came up with different things but things we are already doing. We use work, kids, TV, Food, working out to keep the silence from seeping in. We send silent blessings to couples and families walking out together in the street because we hope they enjoy that happiness forever and never have to feel what we feel. That pang of rushing home in excitement to share a story, a hug or a laugh. For some of us it has been a long time since we have even felt human touch aside from our babies. I would sell my soul to have someone hold my hand right now. This isn’t even about sex. Sex is easy. You can find anyone to sleep with. But to get someone to actually want to spend that other time with you that’s the hard part. I just feel like I’m the last kid getting picked to play kickball and it sucks and I had to get it off my chest so I wouldn’t go mad. Plus its part of the challenge of this blog and adventure. Getting out of my comfort zone. And writing about how lonely I feel at times is a vulnerable as it gets. – Go out and give free hugs people ❤

Im Tri-ing!

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Got my first piece of #tri “equipment” today my first ever swim cap.  Carefully picked out as to give me street cred.  Hence the graffiti. Plus it’s cool.  Now waiting on my bathing suit.  First indoor triathlon in 11 weeks Adventure 4 of 36!

go out & be awesome ♡ Denise

Adventure #4- Indoor Triathlon

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indoorTriHeroI’ve decided on Adventure #4 – An indoor triathlon hosted by Lifetime Fitness….in January! Now this is bananas! However I am up for the challenge. I haven’t signed up with a buddy to do it but if any of you want to go on this adventure with me, let me know!

In order to let help you understand where this crazy idea came from I have to introduce to you to a great friend of mine, one of my bestest friends, Tasha who I had the pleasure of befriending in 2013. Both single moms and a bit of a wild card we fit together just right. I met her when I was having a rough time near the end of my relationship with my sons father. She lived in my neighborhood and our sons all went to school together. She was always positive through my walk through hell and when I made it out to the other side she is still here and I love her for that. She is a true adventurer and a risk taker and a dreamer but most importantly Tasha is a DO-ER. Once she sets her mind on something she finishes it and then somehow manages to have a thirst for the next big thing. I love that! When I met her she was just getting into OCR racing (Obstacle course racing) she had completed a Spartan, a Battlefrog, Bad Ass Dash,  Down and Dirty and a few more. She kept talking about it in such a way that I just had to try it for myself. It was with her enthusiasm and motivation and help that I competed in my first Spartan race. She knew I was slow, overweight and sluggish but she stuck by me through the whole race and at the end I got to call myself a Spartan. For any of you who have done one you know it’s no easy feat so I will own that title as long as I live. She also got me to do my second Spartan race in April and now here I am signing up for an indoor triathlon all because my dear friend caught the tri-bug a little over a year ago. She had never competed in one and I’ve seen her go from occasional racer to full on athlete mode in the past year. Watching her get such great joy from the sport, get excited with passion and hear her stories of meeting great athletes and achieving her goals makes it so appealing. I’ve seen her go from a not so very strong swimmer to one who is swimming in open water, from a 5k runner to a 10k runner and now a bicyclist. All to be admired.

She has been trying to get me to Tri for a while but I let my insecurities and bum heels get in the way. Always saying “I need to do that” but never really going for it. Well that’s about to change y’all. Because she told me about the indoor tri and I went ahead and signed up for it. Yep committed to it. On January 3rd I will become a triathlete. I will start my new year off crossing off a mini goal and I hope that this will help me heal my body and get myself motivated to get healthier and stronger physically. Now the next 11 weeks may be peppered with obscene words, a little self-doubt and a mad post or two about how id rather be fat and happy eating pizza than skinny and eating clean. Just be forewarned and when I say these things out of Hanger, exhaustion and self-doubt – just say the following back to me:

“You are a triathlete”

Anyone interested in looking if one is offered in your city or would like to join me in Alpharetta on January 3rd you can check out the following link. Wish me luck!

http://www.indoortri.com/

**A side note of encouragement. For those who are wanting to try something new just go for it. I am far from the athletic build. I’m soft in ALL places, I have a butt that high fives me in the back, really busty, have bad feet and I’m slower than molasses. If I can do it you can too! And in my experience I’ve seen more people cheer on the slower, overweight girl trying her best over the girl who’s always winning. People love and underdog. They love to chant for the “Rudy’s” of the world. So join me on my journey we’ll be AWESOME together! ❤

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Me and Tasha getting ready to compete in my first Spartan    Goonies Never Say Die!

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Tasha showing off her well deserved and earned medal after one of her races

Zee W.- Awesome Parent Shout Out!

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ZEEName: Zee

Kids call me: mom, ms Zee and Zee

My passion: My career is helping others achieve the goal of home ownership. After recently becoming a manager with my company I have found a new passion with assisting my fellow agents achieve their goals of being a successful Real Estate agent. I look back on where I started as a single mom with no college degree working retail living paycheck to paycheck and living with my parents. I had my struggles but never gave up. I was given the opportunity of becoming a Realtor 14 years ago and ran with it. Now I own a home, am married and have a beautiful family. I am mentoring other agents to achieve their goals. My passion is to give them what was given to me to be a very successful Real Estate agent.

My funniest parenting moment: My daughter when she was little I always expressed to her that she was not allowed to say any curse words as most parents do. One day while watching the Red Sox game we played a little trick on her. She was about eight years old at the time. The pitcher that was pitching was Asian and his last name was Fukudome so we asked her what his name was and she said Fuck You Do Me as it looks like it would sound. Mike says Montavia how dare you talk like that jokingly and she started crying. We laughed and laughed and had to tell her no it’s OK and that was his name. She thought she was in so much trouble.

Hardest parenting moment: Dealing with the fact that my daughter doesn’t have a relationship with her real father, not knowing what to say to her about why he doesn’t know her, why he doesn’t contact her. The hardest thing is not knowing how she truly feels. See I have a wonderful relationship with my father so I can’t say to her honey I understand because I don’t. I can only console and be there for her when she needs to talk, cry, scream or just sit and cuddle.

If you could give someone advice what would it be: Listen to your children, pay attention to them. Talk to them and really listen to what they are saying. Let them know they can come to you with anything they need. Be present in their lives. You only get one chance to be a parent make it your best effort.

Ode to Hip Hop …wherever you are

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I have a type apparently. I’ve been flipping through these matches on the dating sites and I’m trying to be open minded. I have not put any parameters on the men I have been looking for. Race or religion does not matter as I figured the more open-minded the better the chance I have of meeting new and like-minded people. I’ve paused a few times on a couple and even tried to do the google search to make sure they are not on America’s Most Wanted list. Today I googled one more and much to my surprise (though no surprise to my friends who know me so well) I am cosmically drawn to a type.

I don’t go out and intentionally seek this type but my heart just seems to know who they are and I don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t know if I am supposed to like this type or go against my norm. I will say that my ex, whom I was with for almost nine years was not my typical type and it was tumultuous, stressful and a very negative unhealthy situation. It started off good, as all relationships do and by the end I felt as if we were both auditioning for a role in the “Shining” oh well you live and learn.

However going back to my “Type” my heart from very early on has been ruled by music. A good beat will stir my soul and fill me with life and energy. Add a great rhyme and you have the makings of the songs in my heart. Hip hop music personified who I was and my love affair with the music led me to love the men behind the beat. Not in a groupie way, but in a way that related to my wild, rebellious yet introspective soul. I was in love with Hip Hop and Hip Hop loved me.

In the early 90’s, Rap City , Yo MTV Raps and mix tapes ruled my life. I wrote poetry and slammed with the best of them. I had the VCR perfectly timed to record videos and I made mix tapes and CD’s for those I loved. Naturally I was drawn to the same crowd. Music was everything and I would spend hours upon hours scouring The Source when it was in newspaper form and trying to get music from New York because Niceville, Florida didn’t get the latest and greatest music. When I would “discover” a new artist I would call my boys and talk as if I had found the holy grail. We would share our music and dreams and talk about our future. When we made it big that we would call it SugarHill. (Yes after AZ’s Sugar Hill) Fast forward a little to when high school ended my friends moved up north in pursuit of their dreams. The music scene was thriving and the chances of being heard and appreciated for their art was better than staying in a small, sleepy beach town. I stayed behind and went to the local community college and studied recording engineering. I was one of the only females in the class and at the studio that I interned at. But the music scene was not as lucrative in the small town so i would take trips back and forth up north to feed my fix for music and love and it awakend my soul in a way that i would never be able to satisfied if I stayed where I was -the sleepy beach town.

I moved to Atlanta some years later in search of something different, something big and got sidetracked. The dream eventually died because I didn’t nurture it and I decided to “grow up” when in reality I stifled my growth. I betrayed what my heart said I needed to do to keep my dreams alive and I settled into the norm and what society expected me to be- a good girl, who didn’t question authority, played by the rules and didn’t ruffle too many feathers.

During those times and in between it all I loved hard and looking back to even recently (excluding my ex- it’s not that I didn’t love him it was a different type of love) I realized that I was attracted to the dreamer, that I would look for men who personified my passion for Hip Hop and music. The guy who strummed his guitar was strumming my soul. But they get me, those types. I can speak for hours with them and even though I am doing a disservice by lumping them into a type make no mistake that they are amazing and unique in their own way. Beautiful souls who were tortured and tattered in some bit and found music as an outlet. Who became one with the instruments be it a mic, a guitar or a turntable. With every beat they bobbed their heads in time with my heart and I’ve never felt more alive more in tune with the music.

For over nine years the music stopped in my head and I fell into a robotic trance. At least that’s what it felt like. I stopped doing what I loved- writing, art, drawing listening to unsigned artists and I fell into the trap of believing if I changed everything about myself to become the perfect mother, the perfect partner that I would somehow find happiness. Mother’s weren’t supposed to dream, we have our duties, our priorities. I need to be a perfect partner. I was young and naive and foolishly bought into what i was being told by outsiders who didn’t know me well at all. What I realized later, is that in denying who I was and not being true to myself I couldn’t show my son what passion truly was. I owed it to myself and I owed it to him to allow him to know his mother as a true person as her true self and her true form. Which is what this year is about. My heart was searching for a creative outlet and I thought that love could be my muse.

Now I’m not saying that loving these men brought me any more joy and less pain, In fact I feel it hurt on a deeper level, a soulful level. When I think about them I think of them as favorite songs that bring you back to a time when things were simpler. I have a soundtrack to my heart and each one filled a place. When you love somebody to your heartsong it is profound and deep and spiritual and nothing can compare. Its like finding the “perfect verse over a tight beat “-Brown Sugar

When it’s over its tears and anguish and pain. It’s like losing a piece of your soul. Every time its as if the music gets a little quieter and I don’t know if this is a good thing.

On one hand my “type” brings me so much joy, so much life, so much of my creativity is awakened. It’s as if the creative soul is yin to my yang, but the thing is about loving these souls, is that they are free spirits and they go where the wind takes them. They are in search of something more. They hold themselves to a standard that can never be reached, an insatiable appetite that can never be satisfied. They are the roamers, the nomads, the passionate lovers gone in the morning and women like me who love them are the forgotten muses, inspirations for the songs and the ones who believe we can tame them. But why would you ever want to tame something that is free and beautiful in the wild?

I myself am a wild spirit, I am Independent, I dance with the wind and I love hard and strong and with all my might. So I get it. We are the same, we are one. I don’t know if that is a good thing. I’m 36 and I have a child. I cannot afford to love with the wild abandon that I did in the days of my youth. Nights spent chatting away about dreams and music are replaced with homework and bedtime. Which I cherish and love. Days are spent clicking away on a computer because of my own responsibilities and my fear to follow my dreams. Which is why i love the “type” it allows me to feel alive even if for one night.

My soul is drawn to these people. Seriously. You could dress 15 men in the same suit and line them up, same haircut, the same shoes and my heart will find the one. The lover of music, the one who stirs my soul. And to be honest I don’t know if that’s a good thing or if it’s what I should have been doing all along. Wading through the emotions of it all and feels so raw, so ill leave you with this:

Hip Hop, wherever you are. If I ever get to meet you – you’ll know that my heart beats to the rhythm of your soul and I’ve never felt more alive …..

or maybe Ive already met Hip Hop…..

And maybe Hip Hop is me and I just need to dance to the rhythm of my own beat.